Meaningless Scatter

I made this goal to write for 10 minutes everyday this week and totally forgot about it! Wow...talk about avoidance. When I made the goal I pictured my 10 minute activity happening in the quiet morning hours while I drink my coffee and my overall disposition is peaceful and optimistic. So here I am, sitting at that time, drinking my coffee, and no ideas are coming to mind - well nothing deep anyway.

So today you are going to get my meaningless, scattered thoughts.

I felt compelled to change my facebook picture today. I don't change it much....certainly not like the folks that change it every few days or weeks. I change it a few times a year or maybe when I take a spectacularly hot picture of myself...haha. Today, though, I looked at my picture and realize that I was "portraying" a side of me that I haven't been feeling for the past few weeks. So, time for a change. Well then I had to change my cover photo as well. I usually change them both at the same time because whatever mood I'm switching too needs to match. My last profile and cover picture were way more direct and intense! This time I went with daydreamy....weird.

There's a new feature lately on facebook (yes, I'm a damn junkie) that tells you that you have memories that happened on this date. It's like Time Hop merged with FB...maybe they did? Anyway, I have a really bad memory and so it's usually a total surprise to see what was happening years ago on this date. Then when I see the pictures or read my posts I'm like "Oh ya, I think I remember that" for the most part. It's really crazy to me to see that I go through such different moods over the years. I used to have those years where I hadn't learned to just Shut Up yet? When I would just spurt my opinion about whatever passing thought and end up pissing people off or just putting people off? I had always been that way - speak my mind and don't really care about the consequence, if someone didn't like it then whatever?!?! I have since learned the art of Shut Up. I run a quick question through my head - Will what I say matter at all? - And usually the answer is no. So...I shut up. If I find that I'm feeling provoked to be opinionated by someone's posts, I just hide them so that I don't have the old urge to piss people off again. Really....I don't view this all as me "censoring" myself. I'm just being more choosy about what stress I bring into my life and I don't need it! Now maybe occasionally I'll just piss a few people off here on my blog...haha. But at least here, it's all mine.

I have a goal (I've actually had this goal for so many years...like since I was a kid...but I've spent more of my life believing that it was never gonna happen and putting it out of my mind) to do actual push ups! MAN Push ups! Now that I'm pretty fit and getting stronger I'm really attacking it as a goal - meaning I'm actively working on it each day. I've already made progress and am just ecstatic about it! (*Note - the word ecstatic should really be spelled with an x, extatic, it would be cooler). For weeks I was trying to get better and better by doing girl push ups thinking when I got strong enough I'd be able to move to man ones. Then I watched this video from Tony Horton (beachbody P90X guy) about how to get better with push ups. He says DON'T do girl ones. It won't make you stronger. Instead assume the correct push up form (I had to tweak mine a little bit) and then even if all you can start out doing is a plank (I could do that fine) then slowly work toward bending your elbow even if just an inch. Do as many as you can as low as you can but don't worry about not going down all the way....you'll get there. Well I have been employing his strategy and IT'S WORKING! The first day I could do like 3 at maybe an inch of a dip (the distance toward the ground you actually move). Yesterday I could do 10 at about a 4 inch dip! It's been maybe 5 days of me working on this! That's the most progress toward this goal I've ever made. So I'm pretty proud of myself.

Today will start a warming trend here in Western Oregon. So happy to have some summer! I bought a bunch of summer clothes and can't wait to wear them! Every year for the past 22 years, I've had to wear capri pants and some giant t-shirt to cover my overweightness and then been sweaty and uncomfortable in the heat! This year, I can wear short shorts and a tank top - will I look like a freakin model? hell no. I have loose skin hanging here and there that I don't like but I'm going to rock the tank top and shorts and proudly show my muscles (yes, I have muscles!).

Have a good day folks! I'm out.